Life in the Library

There's so much to learn. I keep forgetting how to do another blog. I hope this is right.

A little more about Hanna. She was our 6th child and was born 10 weeks early, weighing just 3 lbs. 9 oz and was 15 inches long. Kind of small next to our other children. She spent her first 7 weeks in LDS Hospital in Salt Lake City, UT where she was born. She had many ups and downs while there. She struggled so hard to gain weight and to breathe on her own. She was a fighter through it all. I kind of knew she'd make it at that point, but I was also living in a bubble, believing things would be normal for her someday. Little did I know how wrong I was. I think most parents of very ill children want to believe their child will eventually be normal, it's one way of dealing with the actual grief you go through when you don't have the "perfect" child you had been counting on and dreaming of. I read somewhere, that parents of special needs children have to go through the same steps people do who have lost someone. Well, I guess I could say that it is so true, being in both situations with Hanna. Not only did we grieve for our "perfect" child, but we also had to do it when she died. I can honestly say, I was probably in the grieving state her whole life! There were so many times we almost lost her over her 19 years, and so many disappointments from her health questions, I was always having to rethink her capabilities and abilities to survive independently some day. Life was a constant struggle for her. This is all a concept I have never considered before, but I believe it is the Lord's way of preparing us for the possiblity of her death at an early age. Lots of things to think about.